Inside Out

You hear “spiritual journey” and you think immediately… weirrrrdo. It’s actually not. It’s a journey that most of us do not understand or even take the time to understand.

Two messages I received today were asking for “positive vibes” and “self enlightening energy”. They both are struggling with things that have been heavy for awhile. Without sharing their information or story, I can offer this from what I have learned.

I took this journey, like I mentioned before, for myself. For some spiritual healing of some nature. I haven’t shared my whole story and I will not. Only bits and pieces that I feel will be a benefit to others, due to a few reasons. One being a mutual legal agreement. Two being that I will not defame anyone from my past, I hold the term “integrity” high. And lastly, what do you gain? You keep revisiting the past and you just reopen wounds. You aren’t teaching yourself anything new. And you fully never heal. You must deal with it. And let it go. Completely.

I held grudges. Deep ones. Rightfully so in my mind at the time. I had never been so tested in my entire life. Day after day. Month after month. I tried ever so hard to find my peace. Protect what I thought was only mine. Attempt peace with others. Again and again. And one day, not too long ago, I turned the table. Asked myself “What in the hell am I doing?”. I swallowed my pride. Stopped trying to hold onto the pain. Handed out my apologies. Asked for forgiveness. Actually listened to my supporters and remembered who I am. I now have a list of what I’m looking for and what I will not accept on my third attempt at partnership, if there is one.

People struggle daily. With family. Relationships. Internally. All of this is a learning experience for all of us. Nobody has it all together. You see. I have countless people reach out. Praising me. Asking for advice. Hell. I question how I even ended up being brave enough to attempt this blog. How in the world my ugly story is or can help others. You know why’? I woke up. I realized what I had. What I’ve built. And where I’m going. I’m brutally honest. I don’t leave anything out. I’ve done wrong. Hurt people. Lashed out. BUT…. I hold myself accountable. I own my mistakes. I learn. I apologize. And I move on. Sometimes slower than I should. But I get there. I got there. And here I am. The past is the past and I stopped putting myself there. It’s gone. And there’s nothing there for me.

Whatever it is you’re going through. Remember one thing. Yourself. You matter. I promise that you do. Even if you feel like it’s to only one person. Or to nobody. You DO matter. There are people out there who care. Reach out. Don’t ever be ashamed. And if you find yourself in a cycle you can’t break. Take time for.. yourself. Break that damn cycle. Cut those people off that weigh you down. Force change. You keep forgiving and you end up right back where you were. How much weight are you willing to carry? Take time for your spiritual health. It doesn’t have to be 1400+ miles away like what I am doing. I understand not everyone can do that mentally, physically or financially. Take yourself out of whatever situation is challenging you. Take a few days to reflect. Disconnect. And make a plan with YOU. What is making you feel this way? What can you do to change it? What are you doing that contributes to the negativity? Find the answers. Challenge yourself to do better. And be better.

By definition: Spiritual health is achieved when you feel at peace with life. It is when you are able to find hope and comfort in even the hardest of times. It can help to support you as you experience life completely.

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